“Well I don’t think this is going anywhere, but you’re just so nice.”
The line no guy wants to hear.
“Well you’re just so nice, but I don’t think it’s going anywhere.”
The line no guy wants to hear, but all women are actually thinking.
What did this poor sap do to cause a perfectly sought-after trait work to his disadvantage? I’m going to slap you in the face right now and explain something.
Most “nice guys finish last” articles, books, and PhD theses assume one thing: how “nice” means being a pushover, passive, and not standing your ground. This is exactly why the quote above makes sense – he’s just so nice (a complete walkover in her mind), that she doesn’t think it’s going anywhere (because she needs a man who stands his ground).
But this article isn’t about trying to explain how spineless men finish last. Because sadly, they do. This is about how nice guys finish first.
I’m bucking the trend and taking a different approach.
I’m assuming that nice means genuine, respectful, and level-headed. And most importantly, it means they can stand their ground. Allow me to explain why.
It’s hammered into us these days: nice guys finish last. Nice guys can’t get anything done, they get walked all over, they get taken advantage of, they can’t succeed in life, and no woman wants to bag and brag about securing a nice guy who can’t say no. These nice guys sure have it tough.
Well of course they do. Because all those qualities are real, and one person can unfortunately possess them all.
But it’s unfair to rope all nice guys into this category, as if they’re a bunch of cattle heading to the slaughterhouse known as the dating pool. It’s simply because being nice can have nothing to do with getting stampeded over.
Why Does Being A Nice Guy Mean Finishing Last?
The first question we should be asking ourselves is why we equate the act of niceness with finishing last.
Why does being nice have to include being a walkover, people pleaser, and the beta male who has no spine? It doesn’t. Today’s man has a lot on their plate. This isn’t to diminish women in any way because I know they’ve got a lot on theirs, too. But men are stuck in a bit of a limbo. It’s a new generation, and while the bad boy image of the past has stuck around (unfortunately), I think women are becoming more attuned to the fact that generally, “bad boys” are just smooth playboys wrapped up in a loser’s mind with no real game plan in life. And women are realizing it sooner than later.
But regrettably, there are still plenty of women who fall for the charade, and it’s the only reason it’s got men still acting like children. Because men still know it works on a lot of the opposite sex. So women, please, I beg of you – you don’t want to be with a loser. But since society still encourages men to act like WWE wrestlers to get the cream of the crop, you’ve got a bunch of dudes acting like they’re the star show of SummerSlam Pay Per View.
Definition of Man Today
The second question we should be asking ourselves is how we define being a man today.
There really shouldn’t be a definition, because we ought to celebrate being unique, right? Kind of. Here’s a fact: the macho bullshit that’s run rampant for the last century is old news. And being a dick still won’t get you that far.
On the other hand, self-confidence, respect, authenticity, and class will get you far. And considering the first part of this article was written about how men shouldn’t be spineless and pushovers, I think it’s safe to say that possessing the good qualities listed above will give you an advantage in life. How can it not?
So ladies, what do you want out of a guy? Let’s wager that it probably could include a bunch of the things just listed. Yet time and again, you find yourself dealing with the opposite. And men, what are you looking to impress upon others? A sense of confidence, or a sense of cockiness? A sense of authenticity, or a sense of asshole?
Women talk about the fight for gender equality, and I can’t disagree. 1 in 3 women have been the victims of violence from an intimate partner and 1 in 5 women have been raped in their lifetime. It’s a sad and sobering moment to realize just how pervasive violence against women is worldwide. A culture of dominance, ignorance, and harassment amongst men is still way too strong.
We need a shift.
In order for the shift to occur, one thing needs to happen: men need gender equality, too. We should be allowed to show emotions without being told to “man up”. We shouldn’t be afraid to express ourselves in a more caring, nurturing light without being told we’re a “pussy”. This is the easiest way to peel back a tough layer and allow someone to be more authentic. When you know you won’t get hung to dry by your peers at the sight of tears, you have no reason to bottle it in.
If we can allow men to be more authentic with themselves, just like women are, we’d help alleviate some of the aggression and violence towards the opposite sex and each other. Sure, there will always be dickwads who will try to ruin the fun for the masses. Just don’t let them run rampant.
Let both men and women enjoy their gender equality, and you’ll find more and more that nice guys don’t finish last – they finish in first.