You know the feeling of the chase.
It’s enthralling. Exhilarating. Gives you a little pep in the step. You want the money? You gotta chase the “paper”. You want the Ferrari? You gotta chase the success. When we get in the zone, we’re all in tunnel vision. And it can feel really good going towards those goals.
Unless, of course, it involves someone, not something. Does the below sound familiar?
“Adam, you need to understand..I don’t think it’s going to work out.”
I sat there, a blank stare on my face.
A stare so seemingly obvious with its inability to muster the effort, or the courage, to say much.
I spent the last roughly 438 days trying to make it work.
Trying to mold myself to what she wanted.
Trying to understand her life struggles.
Trying to be patient.
Trying to make her realize some things bothered me.
Yet here I was, facing her; and she pulled the trigger first.
As much as I knew I should’ve pulled it myself 428 days prior, I didn’t. And yet still, in this moment, it sucked.
I swallowed hard, the lump making an obvious appearance as it slid down my throat into a belly full of butterflies.
I was toast, mentally and physically. I chased this one in a marathon, and all I got out of it was an ending well deserved, even through the denial.
It was shortly after that entire dramatic fiasco I realized one thing:
I needed to stop chasing and relying on someone else for my happiness and well-being. I was 100% responsible on my own.
It’s Called A Chase For A Reason
Let’s define chase right off the bat.
Chase: verb – pursue in order to catch or catch up with.
You can chase after just about anything these days.
Money. Fame. Power. Validation. Material things. You name it. But there’s one that we’re concerned about today, right here and right now. And that’s chasing after someone else. There’s a reason it’s called a “chase”. You’re always at least one step behind from obtaining whatever it is you want. Hence, you’re chasing it.
And here’s the problem with chasing something else that’s not related to you: you’re wasting time and energy.
Why time? Because you’re already behind. It’s pretty obvious someone doesn’t care to be with you if they’re moving at a different speed and you’re left trying to scramble and yell at them to wait. Look, this isn’t a subway train you’re trying to catch. Don’t waste your time.
Why energy? Because you shouldn’t have to chase after someone to be with them. The right person will wholeheartedly accept the fact you’re a badass and not fuck up the chance to be with you. Spending the energy to chase after someone means you’re wasting that valuable energy that could be used toward your own ventures.
I chased after so many women in my life it’s embarrassing. Every time, I got run over. Literally, every time. When I didn’t learn my lesson the first time, or the second, or the fifth…I think I finally understood it on the sixth.
What kept me going so aimlessly after them, time and time again? It was the chance…the hope.
Sure, there’s always the hope you can catch them. But it’s never a guarantee. There is, however, one guarantee: and that’s chasing yourself.
Chase After Yourself To Win
“But Adam, you just said chasing means you’re always one step behind, how does that help when you’re chasing yourself?”
I’m saying chasing yourself is the only kind of chasing that works. Why?
Because you never want to get complacent in your life. You should always want to grow, to learn, to get better. Therefore, chasing after yourself, and always being “one step behind”, so to speak, isn’t necessarily a bad thing when it comes to your own growth.
If you’ve “caught up” to yourself, that means you’ve become stagnant. Don’t ever reach that point. Be comfortable in the uncomfortable. It’s how we grow as human beings.
Chase after your hopes and dreams, not someone’s feelings.
Chase after your desires, not someone’s validation.
Chase after your success, not someone’s ego.
So chase after yourself consistently. I spent my 20’s chasing after someone else instead of myself. I didn’t invest enough in my own success, my own well-being, and my own mental clarity to excel like I could have.
I could sit here and regret it, but I’ll tell you one thing: it’s a waste of time. I’ve learned my lessons, and now invest that much more into myself. So thank you, for the lesson I’ve learned six times over before finally soaking it in.